Saturday's with Dr. Roffman

Each Saturday, Dr. Joel Roffman, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

Lech l’cha (Go from this Place)

I’ve never been one for New Year’s resolutions, but some people can’t resist. Around this time of year, patients often tell me that in the coming year, they are resolved to . . .(pick one) . . . get thinner, stop smoking, spend more time with their loved ones, be a better friend. . etc.

The Hebrew words of the title to this posting were the words God spoke to Abraham. Abraham rejected idolatry – the first monotheist in the Bible. In the early chapters of Genesis, God challenged him to leave his family, his birthplace and his culture, “ . . . To a place that I will show you.”
So of course, if

you smoke, try your best to stop. And if ou are overweight, try your best to lose the extra. But let’s use the New Year to make a spiritual resolution as well. Let’s resolve to “Go from this place.”

Resolve to do something really meaningful in your life. Learn. Read a new book on a subject you’ve been meaning to learn more about. Volunteer to help those in need. Become more active physically and spiritually. Take a course in the Computer School for Seniors. Bring meals (and bring yourselves) to a shelter to serve the poor. Call a relative or friend with whom you don’t speak often and have a lively and cheerful conversation. Take a leisurely walk and listen to nature. Learn about digital photography (it’s very easy!). Tell someone you love them. Tell them again.

Lech L’cha.

If you have a comment or question about this blog entry, email Dr. Roffman at drroffman@cs4seniors.com.

Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at www.copingwithadversity.com. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.

Saturday's with Dr. Roffman

ach Saturday, Dr. Joel Roffman, MD, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

Uncle Sol

My uncle Sol died recently. I went to his funeral in New York with my wife, and on the airplane there, thought about his life. He was the last remaining male in my family from that generation. The son of immigrants, he served in the U.S. military during WWII. He then built his own business, had a family, and was loved by many. He was very generous, giving to a number of charitable organizations, and being honored for his contributions. I distinctly remember him telling me, “You never go poor by giving to charity.” I often have thought about that quote, and will always link it to Sol.

In the Talmud, we are taught,

There are three crowns: the crown of the Torah,

The crown of priesthood, and the crown of royalty.

But the crown of a good name surpasses them all.

Sol was actually a founding member of his synagogue in Harrison, New York. But during his life, Sol was never strictly religiously observant. He always believed that his faith was lived rather than thought. To help others is the supreme act of faith. To believe that he could help make the world better by his actions most certainly (if we can speak in such terms) put a smile on God’s face.

If you have a comment or question about this blog entry, email Dr. Roffman at drroffman@cs4seniors.com.

Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at www.copingwithadversity.com. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.

Saturday's with Dr. Roffman

Each Saturday, Dr. Joel Roffman, MD, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

This is Water

I recently was given a small book, “This is Water,” that consisted only of a single speech. It was a speech to college graduates by the author David Foster Wallace. He told his young audience that they will have to decide for themselves how to cope with the seemingly mundane aspects of life, consciously deciding what’s important and what is not. They will also decide what to “worship.”

Wallace points out hat everyone worships – but what – or whom – do they worship? That is what makes all the difference in how they view and live their life. Anything other than a spiritual worship, Wallace states, is a dead-end street. And whether we are travelling in a car or travelling on the journey of life, a dead-end street leads to nowhere but frustration. His examples:

Worship money and “things?” You will never have enough of either.
Worship power? You will always feel weak and vulnerable
Worship beauty and allure? You will always feel inadequate and ugly.
Worship intelligence and your intellect? You will always feel like a fraud – on the verge of being found out that you’re really not so smart.
And when time, age and life’s circumstances make these things more and more difficult to obtain, you will die a thousand deaths.

These lessons have been repeatedly taught to us. By the time young people graduate from high school, or certainly from college, they have heard these things numerous times. The challenge is to keep them in the front of our consciousness as we go through our daily routines - as we live our lives.

The insidious thing about these forms of worship is that, unfortunately, they are the default settings in our society. I see it all the time in my cardiology practice. These are the kinds of worship we gradually slip into if we are not on guard against it. The kinds of worship that seem to be working just fine in our society until you speak with people about their real frustrations with daily life and in their own little world. Indeed, it is these types of worship that actually seem to fuel our society, producing great wealth and creature comforts. But this fulfillment is a transient illusion.

The alternative to this “default” setting - this worshiping of the transient and the unimportant – will bring the true and lasting fulfillment that comes with choosing a spiritual worship and all that it entails. This requires attention, awareness, effort and discipline, and involves caring for others while finding satisfaction and happiness in the numerous little things we do each and every day. This is not only a challenge to young people. It is the challenge of a lifetime.

If you have a comment or question about this blog entry, email Dr. Roffman at drroffman@cs4seniors.com.
Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at www.copingwithadversity.com. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.

Saturday's with Dr. Roffman

Each Saturday, Dr. Joel Roffman, MD, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

Achievements and Realities of the Aged

I have read (and I believe!) that the speed with which time seems to pass as we grow old is the biggest single surprise that any of us can have. Bill, a dear patient of mine for many years, lamented the passage of time. Bill is now in his late 80’s. His mind is still sharp, but inevitably, his body doesn’t respond as it once did. Naturally, he no longer can do the things he could do years ago.

July 21 marked the 29th anniversary of the day I opened my practice. While it has been a true blessing to care for so many patients, my experience has been bittersweet. I’ve had many sad moments as I watch patients age and physically decline. Bill is an example of this.

Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning has sold millions of copies and has been translated into many languages. He addresses the question of aging, pointing out that someone who is basically pessimistic ages with great sadness and fear, realizing that the number of pages of the calendar of life is dwindling. On the other hand, the more optimistic and positive person ages “actively.” While tearing off successive sheets of life’s calendar, this person jots down some notes on the back of each page and reflects with pride on the richness of the achievements set down in these notes and looks forward to the next page, thereby living life to the fullest.

Keeping in mind the transient nature of human existence and realizing that we all are subject to the same fate, why envy the young? For the “potential” that is inherent in the youth? Instead of potential, older people have realities – not only in the reality of work done and love loved, but also of trials and tribulations bravely endured.

Bill’s life has touched many people. And he has touched them at their core – in a very spiritual way, through his work in faith communities. While I can’t give him back his youth, I can at least remind him that his life has had immense value and has been important to others.
And given the immutable and certain nature of aging and death, isn’t that what we all hope to achieve?

If you have a comment or question about this blog entry, email Dr. Roffman at drroffman@cs4seniors.com.

Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at www.copingwithadversity.com. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.

Saturdays with Dr. Roffman

Each Saturday, Joel Roffman, MD, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

About Healthcare Reform

I’ve had a number of patients in recent weeks express strong feelings about proposed “health care reform.” Most are quite surprised that I’m in favor of some major changes in the way health care is provided and paid for in this country. I feel that there are many abuses to our current system, and that many people are unable to obtain insurance, forcing them to face possible financial disaster if they become sick or injured.

The bible enjoins us to care for the sick and the poor. It is not such a great leap to feel the need to insure that all who need medical care can obtain it.

Polemics aside, can we at least agree on some points? How about starting with these as ideals:
All who need care should be able to obtain it without the threat of financial ruin? Health insurance should be available and affordable for all. Those too poor to afford it should be subsidized to some extent, depending on their financial situation.

Losing one’s job should not mean losing healthcare insurance. Insurance should be transportable.
Costs should be kept as low as possible and competition should be encouraged by allowing consumers to purchase insurance across state lines.

Preexisting conditions shouldn’t disqualify people from being able to purchase insurance.

Providers should have incentive to keep costs down. Just the opposite occurs now. If a doctor orders a diagnostic test or a surgical procedure, he directly benefits from it. The American College of Cardiology has published “Appropriateness guidelines” for tests and procedures. These represent current thinking from the best and the brightest in our field. Yet there is no monitoring to insure compliance with these guidelines. I can only guess how much money is wasted in this way. Audits of physician ordering practices should be encouraged for both Medicare and private insurance.

These principles don’t cater to those who want the government to run healthcare, and they are equally unpopular with the crowd who wants to keep the current, unsustainable status quo. Which is probably why they have no chance of being given a proper airing.

If you have a comment or question about this blog entry, email Dr. Roffman at drroffman@cs4seniors.com.

Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at http://www.copingwithadversity.com/. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.

Saturdays With Dr. Roffman

Each Saturday, Dr. Joel Roffman, MD, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

A Life Fondly Remembered

Betty died last week. She finally succumbed after a long and heroic battle with her diseased bone marrow, her lung illness, and her other organs straining under the increasing weight of time and debility. The end of Betty’s time on earth came. Thank heavens it was peaceful.

Betty was actually the subject of the very first chapter of my book – an example of grace and cheerfulness despite serious medical conditions. She embodied the Talmud’s instructions to greet one another with a cheerful countenance. It’s easy to be pleasant when all is well. A person’s true
character, however, is revealed when things are not going so well.

I used to joke with Betty that the homemade cookies she routinely made for the office staff when she came in for her appointments were her “ticket of admission” to the office. It should surprise no one that her pleasant demeanor was returned by those with whom she came in contact. She even managed a smile for me each time I entered her hospital room during her final days.
Our children and grandchildren will remember much about us – our achievements, our hobbies, etc. They will also most assuredly remember how we handled adversity as we became old and sick. Of all the “crowns” we might acquire during our lifetime, the Talmud teaches us that, “The crown of a good name surpasses all.”

I know how Betty’s family will remember her. How will your family remember you?

If you have a comment or question about this blog entry, email Dr. Roffman at drroffman@cs4seniors.com.


Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at www.copingwithadversity.com.

It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.

Saturdays with Dr. Roffman

Each Saturday, Dr. Joel Roffman, MD, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

When We See Only Warts

“Judge everyone favorably.” So teaches the Talmud. I was reminded of this verse when Neil came to the office for his annual visit. Although this middle-aged man’s heart condition was stable, he seemed quite tense. It turned out that he had issues with some coworkers – personality clashes everywhere. In fact, as I looked at my notes from prior visits, this seemed to be a recurring theme with Neil.

Now some psychiatrists would have a diagnosis for Neil’s personality. I certainly can’t judge that. But we all know people who always seem to gripe about others. No one can please them, and they have an utter lack of insight into the issues that others might be contending with. It’s always only about them, and their own specific needs.

A similar teaching in the Talmud is its instruction to “greet everyone with a cheerful countenance.” Not always easy to do, but it seems intuitive that if we are cheerful to others and give them the benefit of the doubt when conflict arises, there is a good chance that we will be treated well in return. Amazing how that works – if we are pleasant and try to see the good in others, they in turn will treat us better.

So I couldn’t resist the temptation to tell Neil, “You know, when all you see are warts, everyone is ugly.” Some of my own words to live by.

If you have a comment or question about this blog entry, email Dr. Roffman at drroffman@cs4seniors.com.

Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at www.copingwithadversity.com. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.

Saturdays With Dr. Roffman

Each Saturday, Dr. Joel Roffman, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

The Blessings of the Elderly

Kelly is an absolute delight. A couple of years ago (when she was only 96 years old!!) she lamented that the days at her retirement home were often boring. I recounted with her some of the more interesting things she had been through in her life. After all, how many of us remember World War I and The Great Depression? I suggested that she take the time to write her memoirs – things she had seen and had been involved with during her life. Things that she wanted others to remember. Events that could be told only through her eyes and from her vantage point.

Well, guess what? To my astonishment, at her next visit Kelly presented me with a finished product! With the help of a friend, Kelly had her handwritten anecdotes and memories of events spiral-bound. One of the local print shops completed the job. How pleased I was to receive a special acknowledgement in the book!

The elderly certainly deserve our respect and care. In Leviticus 19:32, we read, “You shall rise before the aged and show deference for the old.” But it is not just a one-way street. Just because someone is old doesn’t mean they have less to give. Among potential gifts from the elderly:

· An entertaining and instructive message, similar to the one Kelly has written. Not to be too blunt about it, but how will these stories be remembered after she is no longer here to tell us?

· The love of a parent and grandparent. Bonds such as these are unique. As a grandparent, there is an opportunity to have an impact on a young life that no one else has.

· Setting an example of grace and handling the adversity of illness and aging. Who else can leave such a powerful and enduring memory?

Far from being of little use to society and to our loved ones, the elderly have unique opportunities to have an impact on others than perhaps they ever have before.

If you have a comment or question about this blog entry, email Dr. Roffman at drroffman@cs4seniors.com.

Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at http://www.copingwithadversity.com/. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.

Saturday's with Dr. Roffman

Each Saturday, Dr. Joel Roffman, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author, will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

Reconcile. Now!

The story just didn’t fit. The aches and pains, the shortness of breath, and yet the normal physical exam and heart studies.

I sat across from Tom, a 68-year-old long-time patient of mine. His daughter joined us in the exam room. I began to suspect that there might be factors beyond the physical involved here. Was it work? Tom was still working and maybe he was being “forced out” by his company because of his age and economic factors. Should I even explore these issues? Should I just be content to tell Tom the good news – his heart was fine – and leave it at that?

Part of being a doctor is, of course, helping people feel better. My job would certainly be simpler if psychological factors were never involved, but that’s just not how the body works. I felt compelled to explore this side of Tom’s life. “So tell me,” I began, “How are things at work and at home?” I was rather startled that within a short time, both Tom and his daughter were in tears. What issue did I uncover?

It seems that Tom had become estranged from his other daughter. And when the issue would come up at home, so also would various somatic symptoms – headaches, chest pain, shortness of breath, a generalized nervous feeling, etc.

I certainly didn’t know what caused the rift between Tom and his daughter. We spent some chatting about it, though, and I hope with the connection between this strife and Tom’s feelings, his family will be able to help Tom and his daughter put the fragmented pieces of their relationship back together.

An old story is told of a rabbi who instructs his pupils to reconcile with others, “On the day before you die.” “But Rabbi", the confused students said, “We can’t know the exact day on which we are going to die!” The rabbi looked at his students and responded, “Precisely!”

If you have a comment or question about this blog entry, email Dr. Roffman at drroffman@cs4seniors.com.

Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at http://www.copingwithadversity.com/. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.

Saturday's with Dr. Roffman

Each Saturday, Dr. Joel Roffman, MD, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

Fulfilling a Biblical Commandment in America

The Russian immigrant had barely gotten off the airplane when she came to my office complaining of shortness of breath. A quick physical examination and ultrasound of the heart made it apparent that this older woman had a bad valve in her heart and would need surgery if she was to survive much longer. The fact that she had no medical insurance made little difference to me or to the other doctors who took care of her.

She was now in my office for a return examination, and fortunately was doing quite well after her surgery. Naturally, her family was grateful for the care she had been given by all of her doctors. As I walked her up to the checkout desk to set up her next visit, I was struck by the makeup of the others at the desk at that time. In addition to me, a Jew born in America, there were two other doctors who were with patients – one born in Viet Nam and one in Iran. The patients were from Russia, Africa and the U.S. The woman doing the check-out (my office manager) was African American, and the medical assistants in the office at the time included a Roman Catholic, born in America, a Baptist, and a wonderful woman from Mexico.

In the Bible, we are commanded 36 different times to “love the stranger” because, “You know what it feels like to be a stranger, for you were once strangers in the land of Egypt.” (Exodus 23:9). I’m sure on one else in the office was even aware at the diversity on display that afternoon. All any of us thought about was giving proper care to our patients. And maybe that very fact makes America such a special place.

If you have a comment or question about this blog entry, email Dr. Roffman at drroffman@cs4seniors.com.
Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at www.copingwithadversity.com. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.

Saturday's with Dr. Roffman

Each Saturday, Dr. Joel Roffman, MD, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

Cain and Abel, Continued

The case didn’t add up. Tom’s cardiac catheterization was unimpressive. This is a medical procedure during which the arteries of the heart are injected with dye, in order to determine whether there are blockages that might cause chest pain. Also, the pain itself didn’t necessarily fit the usual pattern of the pain that comes from the heart. So there I sat with the 68-year-old patient and his daughter, scratching my head. Having lots of experience in this type of situation, the next question was a natural.

“Tell me, Tom, how are things at home?” With a little more questioning and in less than a minute, both father and daughter were crying. It seems that Tom had become estranged from his other daughter. They hadn’t been on speaking terms in a long time, and every time the subject came up, Tom had chest pain, shortness of breath, or some other somatic manifestation. The case was now simple, though of course, not simple to fix. This was not a problem of the heart as much as it was a problem of the soul.

It always amazes me – in the course of my typical day, I see people with all sorts of health problems, job insecurity or financial worries. By far, the source of the most intense anguish for most people is discord within the family. Strife with loved ones seems to cause more stress than any other source. And as we all know, family issues go all the way back to Cain and Abel in the very beginning of the Bible.

An old story in Judaism involves a rabbi and his students. The subject is about repentance and reconciliation. “You must be sure to reconcile with others on the day before you die,” said the rabbi. “But Rabbi,” the students responded, “We can’t know the exact day on which we’re going to die.”

“Precisely,” said the rabbi.

If you have a comment or question about this blog entry, email Dr. Roffman at drroffman@cs4seniors.com.
Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at www.copingwithadversity.com. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.

Saturday's with Dr. Roffman

Each Saturday, Joel Roffman, MD, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

The “Ripple” Effect

One day during my third year of medical school in Boston, my friend Ed and I were walking through the corridors of University Hospital. Ed noticed that an obviously perplexed man was trying to figure out the complicated hospital directory. Ed veered off from our path and asked the man,

“May I help you?”

He then proceeded to help the visitor navigate the complex halls of the hospital. A very simple act that I, to this day, remember and mimic each time I see a similarly confused – appearing visitor to the hospital in which I work.

Periodically, I bite off a bit more than I can chew: a couple of weeks ago, I came upon a distraught couple in the hospital hallway very early one morning. I spent a good deal of time helping the elderly wheelchair-bound woman whose x-ray request had not been received by the hospital. I managed to get her scheduled for her study that day, filling an opening in the schedule.

I related all of this to Ed, who was amazed that I remembered the long-ago incident in which he showed compassion for a stranger. Ed certainly had no recollection of helping that visitor – his act that day was simply part of what he did and of who he was. Yet each time I stop to help someone, I think of Ed. Sometimes the simplest acts we do have reverberations that can last a very long time. Everything we say and everything we do can impact others.

Sometimes a kind word or deed can ripple on for years. By the same token, a careless comment may sting someone’s psyche forever. Maybe one or more people I have helped were inspired to help others. Act by simple act, word by kind word, we can impact others by what we say or do. It has been said that one person can’t change the world. Isn’t that the only way the world changes?

If you have a comment or question about this blog entry, email Dr. Roffman at drroffman@cs4seniors.com.

Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at www.copingwithadversity.com. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.

Saturday's with Dr. Roffman

Each Saturday, Joel Roffman, MD, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.




A Parent’s Love

I commonly have patients in the office tell me that they have been asked to help their grown children – either by caring for their grandchildren while the parents work or, in more dire circumstances, by taking the child (and grandchildren) into their home, usually because of financial difficulties.

The attitudes of these parents and grandparents run the gamut – some are more than willing to help, while others are resentful. Certainly, such an added responsibility late in life creates a usually unexpected burden.

Last week a patient of mine told me of just such a request by her daughter. The circumstances regarding this situation are irrelevant. What struck me was the good nature this patient had – a combination of love, responsibility, charity and gratitude that she was in a position where she could help her child.

The Talmud teaches that when a parent shows love to a child, the child then allows that love to flow through them, right on to their own children, as water flows through a vessel. And when a child shows love and respect to a parent, that supply of love is replenished by the child’s own children.

There is a blessing that is told in the form of a story. A sage sees kindness shown by a child to an elderly parent. “With what shall I bless you,” says the sage. “With learning? You are already very learned. With riches? You already have sufficient wealth. So here is my blessing. May it be God’s will that your children shall be just like you.”

May the love we show our children flow through them to their own children, and in turn, may their own children replenish the love our children show us.

If you have a comment or question about this blog entry, email Dr. Roffman at drroffman@cs4seniors.com.

Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at http://www.copingwithadversity.com/. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.

Saturday's with Dr. Roffman

Each Saturday, Dr. Joel Roffman, MD, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

“I Want to Die”

The comment surprised me, and actually made me a bit angry. The 84-year-old Mr. M. certainly had a number of medical issues that required constant vigilance and treatment, but it wasn’t as though he was suffering from intractable pain due to a progressive illness. He drove to the appointment in my office and was accompanied by his wife, so he wasn’t bed-bound and alone.

I must confess, I was not too kind on that morning. I told him that if his wish was to die, he came to the wrong place. It was my job to enhance his health and prolong his life, not to listen while he openly wished for just the opposite. When he told me how he lived quite long enough, I pointed to his wife and asked, “And what about her? Do you not care that if you die, your wife will be alone?”

When he told me that it was God’s will that he should die very soon, I told him not to pretend to know god’s will. That was not within his knowledge or grasp. “God will decide when you have lived long enough,” I told him. God has given us medicine and caregivers in order to make us healthy and whole. Who are we to reject all of that? In the Bible, God tells us to choose life (Deuteronomy 30:19). “So let’s not play God here, deciding for ourselves that God wants us to reject the blessings and gifts that have been bestowed to us.” I added that once he died, he will be dead for a very long time, but only while he is alive does he have the opportunity to be God’s helper here on earth. Why be in a hurry to have that end?

I spend much of my day helping people cope emotionally with their illnesses, often diagnosing and treating depression. This encounter presented a patient who did not seem depressed to me, but rather one who was overwhelmed by all that life and illness required of him, and who (hopefully) will respond to a reality check and a counterargument to his point of view.

If you have a comment or question about this blog entry, email Dr. Roffman at drroffman@cs4seniors.com.
Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at www.copingwithadversity.com. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.

Saturday's with Dr. Roffman

Each Saturday, Joel Roffman, MD, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

A Ripple in the Pond

I’m sure Joel Trachtenberg didn’t know me. He was the Dean of the College of Liberal Arts at Boston University when I entered the school as a freshman in 1969. My grandfather picked up Dean Trachtenberg in his taxicab for a ride to the airport. My grandfather was quite proud of me, as I had just started college in a combined undergraduate/medical program that would graduate me from medical school in six years instead of the usual eight.

Bragging about me, Morris Roffman of course mentioned my name. “Oh yes,” Dr. Trachtenberg responded. “What a fine young man. You should be very proud.” Here was Dr. Trachtenberg humoring an old and very proud grandfather and making him so happy that he told the story for years afterwards.

If our mission on earth is to be God’s partner in making the world happier and better, Dean Trachtenberg certainly did his part that day. Granted, this was a small act that he probably quickly forgot about, but it made a very measurable difference to at least one person – my grandfather. And here I am almost 40 years later, remembering Dean Trachtenberg’s kind act.
The thirteenth century Jewish philosopher Maimonides teaches that one act can transform a life and change the world. The lesson for us all is to remember that the ripple we create by tossing a pebble of kindness into the pond of life will spread outwards for a very long time.
Please share with me random acts of kindness that involve you – either something done in your behalf or something that you have done for someone else. Such stories are a treat for me to read.

If you have a comment or question about this blog entry, email Dr. Roffman at drroffman@cs4seniors.com. Dr. Roffman can also be found at www.cs4seniors.com

Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at www.copingwithadversity.com. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com

Saturdays With Doctor Roffman

Each Saturday, Joel Roffman, MD, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

Mr. T. - A Different Perspective

Mr. T. is a fit 84-year-old man – still quite active – whom I saw in the office last week to check on his heart rhythm. “Look at all these medicines I’m taking,” he complained. “I feel like a drug store!”

Indeed, the man had nine different prescription medications for various ailments.

“Let’s see,” I said, as I sorted through his bag of medicine containers. “This one is for that awful stomach ulcer you were diagnosed with six years ago. You’ve had no problem with the ulcer since then. You know, a generation ago, people often needed part of their stomach removed for recurrent bleeding from these ulcers. We’re fortunate to have a medicine like this one.”

Methodically, I went through Mr. T’s medicine bottles. There were two for his blood pressure. They have been effective, and significantly reduced Mr. T’s risk for stroke, heart failure and kidney failure. There were two for his diabetes, which have lowered his risk for heart and kidney disease as well as preventing the severe circulatory problems that a generation ago resulted in amputation of the foot or leg in many people.

We discussed how uncommon it would have been for, say, his grandparents to live and be active well into their 80’s, as Mr. T. has been. I concluded that we should be grateful rather than resentful that we have learned so much and have developed effective medications for so many of the conditions that might have been lethal 30 or 40 years ago.

In Genesis, God tells us to master the earthly domain (Ch. 1: 26-28). Modern medicine’s marvels are one way in which we are fulfilling God’s commandment. Taking care of ourselves as best we can and treating the body as sacred – as God’s creation and possession – is another. I hope I gave Mr. T. a different perspective on the medicines he takes.

Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at http://www.copingwithadversity.com/. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.

Dr. Roffman is also the Health and Fitness Center Faculty Advisor on the Computer School for Seniors campus. He can be reached at drroffman@cs4seniors.com.