Saturdays with Dr. Roffman

Each Saturday, Dr. Joel Roffman, MD, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

When We See Only Warts

“Judge everyone favorably.” So teaches the Talmud. I was reminded of this verse when Neil came to the office for his annual visit. Although this middle-aged man’s heart condition was stable, he seemed quite tense. It turned out that he had issues with some coworkers – personality clashes everywhere. In fact, as I looked at my notes from prior visits, this seemed to be a recurring theme with Neil.

Now some psychiatrists would have a diagnosis for Neil’s personality. I certainly can’t judge that. But we all know people who always seem to gripe about others. No one can please them, and they have an utter lack of insight into the issues that others might be contending with. It’s always only about them, and their own specific needs.

A similar teaching in the Talmud is its instruction to “greet everyone with a cheerful countenance.” Not always easy to do, but it seems intuitive that if we are cheerful to others and give them the benefit of the doubt when conflict arises, there is a good chance that we will be treated well in return. Amazing how that works – if we are pleasant and try to see the good in others, they in turn will treat us better.

So I couldn’t resist the temptation to tell Neil, “You know, when all you see are warts, everyone is ugly.” Some of my own words to live by.

If you have a comment or question about this blog entry, email Dr. Roffman at drroffman@cs4seniors.com.

Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at www.copingwithadversity.com. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.

Saturday's with Dr. Roffman

Each Saturday, Dr. Joel Roffman, MD, a prominent Dallas cardiologist and author will share meaningful experiences he has had with patients who are dealing with a variety of physical and emotional issues. You will find the manner in which they deal with life’s problems to be practical, inspirational and uplifting.

Not long ago, I gave a talk to Preston Hollow Presbyterian Church’s Stephen Ministers. These are congregants who minister to the needs of others in their church. It’s a wonderful means of outreach, with the volunteer ministers receiving extensive instruction in their preparation.

Having discussed the tangible benefits of an optimistic attitude in life (it has been shown in medical studies that in many cases, one’s mindset influences the course of illness) and how people who are always downcast and pessimistic can turn a sunny day into a cloudy one, I was asked in the Q&A session that followed the talk about how to handle those who seem to always be down and in a bad mood.

I leaned forward from the podium and gave the simplest answers: “Avoid ‘em!”

While it may be true that we are all “hard wired” differently, with many inherent personality differences, it is also true that, to some degree, happiness is a choice. As holocaust survivor and author Victor Frankl says in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, we can’t necessarily control the events that affect our lives, but we are in full control over how we react to those events.

So here is an exercise for you. Imagine that you contract pneumonia and are hospitalized. The doctor tells you that you will probably be in the hospital 4-6 days and will then need to curtail your activity for another week or two. You also have been found to have diabetes. You will need to be on medication for this problem and will need to change your diet.

While in the hospital, you are visited by several friends who are concerned with your health status. What are some positive reactions you might have to what has happened to you? What are some negative responses?

Send your responses to me at drroffman@cs4seniors.com. Selected responses will be published in a later blog.

Dr. Joel Roffman has spoken to many church, synagogue and support groups. His book, Coping with Adversity: Judaism’s response to illness and other life struggles is enjoyable, uplifting and informative. It is meant for people of all faiths and can be viewed at http://www.copingwithadversity.com/. It is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com.